Only A Borgia, It Seems, Can Truly Write A Love Letter
by Namarea
Summary: Upon learning of her impending nuptials to Giovanni Sforza, Lucrezia Borgia writes a love letter to her brother, Cesare. Upon learning of his impending elevation to Cardinal, Cesare Borgia writes a love letter to his sister, Lucrezia.
1. Chapter 1

_To my brother who loves me,_

_ I scarce can contain my joy upon the news of your elevation to Cardinal Borgia. Father has told me that you will perform the marriage rite at my wedding when your vows are done. There is no other I could wish to stand before on that day, my love, for there is no other whom I love so dearly._

_ You have ever been first in my heart, dearest brother, and I have watched as you have grown from the darling boy who desired that I would never learn to walk lest he be forced to cease carrying me everywhere, to the most beautiful man my eyes have ever beheld. I danced with you last night and felt myself drown within the deep pools of your eyes. I looked up into your face, my love, and I felt as though I was seeing the very face of God. Did you notice me stumble? When you pressed against me, did you feel the beating of my heart in my breast?_

_ How can I go through with this marriage, Cesare, for I will never love a husband as I have loved you all my life…as I love you now, still…as I will love you always, beyond this world and the next?_

_ I have no wish to disappoint our Father, yet I question now my ability to stand before you and bind myself to another with a lie upon my lips, my hands aching to reach out and touch you. Will you come to me the night before or perhaps the morn of that day? Will you take my hands in yours, raise them to your lips, whisper my name and kiss them as you lean down to press your forehead to mine?_

_ O brother mine, even now I feel your breath on my skin, your lips as they raise from my fingertips to ghost over my nose, my eyelids, my cheeks…oh God, my lips. How will I stand before God and all assembled and deny the deepest desire of my soul? Cesare, my Cesare, how will I live without you, without the other half of myself?_

_ I will go to you, my priest, to confess my unholy yearnings. I will go down upon my knees and declare myself to be the immoral, sinful creature we both know me to be. Then, with the thin wooden wall between us, and with my hands upon my wicked flesh, I will profess my love, my burning, aching craving for your flesh within me, your arms around me, your lips upon me. I will plead for absolution with your name on my tongue as I come undone in that little death so sweet, to be reborn and newly baptized with your holy waters._

_I am ever yours, my love,_

_Lucrezia_

* * *

Her silent tears fell as a cleansing rain to wash the pain from her soul as she lovingly consigned the letter to the flames. Her beloved brother would never read it, as he would never read any of the other letters she had written to him over the years. Like this one, she had sent each letter to heaven as a pray upon the smoke of the fire in her bedroom hearth.

'Perhaps someday,' she thought, 'someday when our lives are done and we lie together in the earth, perhaps those letters delivered to the heavens will be delivered to my love at last.'


	2. Chapter 2

_To my beloved sis,_

_ Our Holy Father has decreed that I am to be crowned in a velvet biretta of red as prince of our Holy Mother Church. He has thus bound me ever tighter in his gilded religious chains. O, my beloved, how I long to throw off this heavy mantle of faith and be only a man once more. I would be your man, my love, if I was but forsworn of the lies I have told so long that I am loathe to disbelieve them now._

_ Father says that soon after my induction, your engagement is to be announced. He has ordered me to do the foul deed myself, and to see it well done. How can I, sis? How can I bind forever to another the one creature for whom I wake each morn, the only light in this world of darkness, the very sweet breath of life that is the necessity of my existence? How can I lose you, my darling, my beloved?_

_ I pray each night as our Lord prayed, "Let this cup pass from me." I flog my accursed body even as the very thought of you lying with another flays my soul, leaving great open wounds bloody and burning me from within. O let me not awake on that morn. Let me not rise. Let me not place one foot before the other to bring myself before you and the demon that would tear you from my heart. Heavenly Father, banish me to hell, for surely there could be no greater punishment, no greater pain than to witness her cleaving unto another…my one, my only love._

_ But I feel, darling Lucrezia, that there is no God in the heavens. Or if there is, He has surely turned his face from me. My pleas go unanswered, my supplication, unacknowledged, my desires, unpurged._

_ Therefore, divinity of my longing, it is only to you that I can now offer my confession. It is only you, my love, who can offer me absolution. I confess to a love so all-consuming that I would raze this Vatican to the ground, drive all priests from their pulpits and condemn all sacred relics to the pyre as pagan idols for want of the worship of you, my goddess. I confess my desire to worship only at your alter, my love, the silken, alabaster alter of your perfumed thighs, the alter of your softly rounded hips, the alter of your supple, rounded breasts as they nourish the evidence of our bodies' uniting. I confess that you are the deity above all others and I will have no other god before you._

_ I give you my sin, Lucrezia. I give it to you willingly, humbly. I beseech the absolution of your arms enfolding me, your lips pressed to mine, your scent on my skin, your voice shouting my name to the heavens at last._

_I am undone,_

_Cesare_

* * *

The letter is gently folded, sealed with wax and placed in the box alongside the multitude of other letters he had written to his beloved sis over the years. He had watched over her from the day of her birth, seen first the wide, blue eyes that had captivated him from the first day. He had watched as she surpassed every milestone in her life and each time he had written her a love letter that he knew he could never send.

'Perhaps one day,' he thought as he closed and locked the beautiful box, lovingly carved and inlaid with precious metals and gems, the key disguised in the heavy gold cross about his neck. It was a perfect place to keep his secret from the world, and for a time, from himself, until he again grasped the quill and poured out his soul upon the page.

* * *

**NOTE: **

This story was inspired by a wonderfully talented new friend, 50251sid, whose works on AO3 reached out and stirred my heart as well as my imagination. Sid, your Borgia fics are breathtakingly exquisite and your kind words to me personally have given me the courage to 'try'. You admonished me to give in to my love of Cesare/Lucrezia and "write them a love letter". Well, my dearest Sid, these love letters are for you. And with a breathless whisper and an aching sigh of, "thank you," I hope you enjoy.

By the time I finished writing this little fic, I was in tears. I have honestly never written anything that wrenched itself from my soul as this did in a whirlwind ten minutes of typing. It has been beta'd but I do apologize for any typos I might have missed. Being raised an only child, I have always been fascinated by the varied relationships between siblings, be it love or hate, and none moreso than the relationships between the Borgia siblings. History is ripe with rumor and conjecture surrounding this most whispered-about couple. Perhaps, as Cesare and Lucrezia thought in their letters here, perhaps all will be known to us someday. Until then, thank you again Sid for your much-appreciated inspiration *big hugs*.


End file.
